The Awesome and the Not So Awesome

You know how people always ask if you want the good news or the bad news first? Well I'm making an executive decision and going with the good news first.

The Awesome:

Today was the first time I taught Tough Questions and didn't want to shoot myself when it was over. Actually, today was one of my favorite days of teaching ever. Before I teach, I always pray for the Lord to fill me with himself and speak through me. Most of the time, I second guess myself though. I'm never totally confident I'm letting him take the lead, especially when my thoughts are jumbled and nothing comes out the way I want it to.

Not today. I have never been more confident the words said today were not my own. The Holy Spirit showed up and boy, did he ever bring the gospel. Its going to be a great week...my group is the perfect size and they all seem engaged. They asked some pretty great questions too, except for one middle school boy. Anybody want to field this question?

If you can't read the handwriting, it says, "What does the verse mean that says you should stone your wife if she is not a virgin? Is it wrong?"

I don't know kid, but I'm positive you don't have a wife, so how about we don't worry about that one?

The Not So Awesome:

Turns out the cold I've been fighting for the last several days is actually walking pneumonia. Honestly, I think it sounds way more intense than it actually is. I had to go to urgent treatment this evening, and since I hate the doctor, I had to find some way to lighten the mood while I waited. In the process, I think I've found the cure for a runny nose. Exhibit A:

Call NASA...I'm a genius.

Honestly, I think it sounds way more intense than it actually is. Regardless, I have been sentenced to bed rest while everyone else does camp. So far I've found little to do with myself. I'll be stir crazy in T-24 hours.

Sooooo...if you're praying, there's a new one. I'm fine, I swear. But if you want to send cookies, I guess that's ok too:)

Love From Home and A Few Requests

Hello again!!

Its a great day to be in PCB, first because week 6 is kicking off as we speak! I'm hanging out in the Registration room at the moment, and almost all of our churches have already arrived...PTL for early registration days!

The second and most important reason its a great day is because I GOT MAIL!!! I receive mail on occasion, but when a letter arrives addressed to Claudia Taylor, I know its about to get good, because it probably came from my family (they're the only people who call me that, and I secretly love it. I suppose its not a secret anymore though). This one was extra special...a handwritten letter from one of my favorite men on the entire planet. Thanks, Papa. You brightened my day more than you know.

Now that I'm off to such a fabulous start, I'm really looking forward to an awesome week. Can you believe there are only three to go? Me neither. As you are doing whatever you do day to day, I hope you will lift up a few things for us down in the Panhandle:

1. Due to low numbers, our staff has begun to head home for the summer. This morning we lost two lovely ladies...they were such a huge asset to our team and will be sorely missed. Please pray that transitions will be smooth; both for us at PCB as we learn to do camp without them, and for Miriam and Brooke as they make the sometimes difficult transition back to "real life".

2. I'm tackling "Tough Questions" track again this week. In this track, students ask some of their most difficult questions about the christian faith, such as why God allows suffering and whether or not absolute truth exists. Its fun to delve into these topics, but they can get hairy. The first attempt was less than ideal on my part. Pray the Lord would bring students with good questions and teachable hearts. Please pray he would daily fill me with HIS words and HIS answers, and that I would be completely dependent on him in my teaching. Pray that I will be diligent in all my preparations.

3. Pray for joy and energy for our staff. Week 6 is when you really begin to realize how tired you are, and for many of us (namely, me), its the point when illness sets in. Ask the Lord to multiply our sleep and give us the energy to push through and give students all we have as though we were as rested as we began on Week 1.

You're prayers are so precious to me. Please let me know how I can pray for you too. I would love nothing more than to be lifting you up this week!!

A Dangerous Prayer.

About five years ago, I conned my mother into letting me travel to Koln, Germany to work on a church plant in the city. I learned many things during my few short weeks there (one being that missions in Western Europe is not my calling), and surprisingly enough, most of what the Lord did in me did not occur on the field, but rather in our times of worship and training under our IMB missionary, Jeff Simmons.

The Dom Cathedral in Koln. This has to be one of the most massive and stunning structures I've ever laid eyes on.      The Dom is wholly responsible for my obsession with Gothic architecture. 

In one particular lesson, Jeff talked about a time in which he prayed that he would learn what it meant to be desperate for the Lord. In the weeks following that prayer, his car was broken into and most of its contents were stolen. This included all of the paperwork for every team he would host that summer, making it virtually impossible to bring mission groups from the states to work along side him in 2007.

But God...

I don't recall the details and I suppose they aren't important. What mattered was that in July 2007, I was in Koln working under Jeff, despite a small logistical nightmare. The Lord did his thing without the paperwork, and he taught Jeff the lesson he asked for. That day, he challenged each of us to pray that same prayer. I chickened out.

Until five years later.

When our leadership team met for the very first time, I prayed that dangerous prayer. I asked the Lord to make me desperate for him, and oh did he deliver. In the last two months, he has completely shattered my confidence in my own abilities. I came into this summer thinking that I would be a good fit to serve as the Finance Director. Administration is my strong suit, and I was ready to rock this position. Amid the lost receipts, botched reports, and a serious lack of patience when it comes to managing the Fuge Store, Father put me in my place. My only talents are the ones he gives me. Even with the best of intentions, I can only serve him if I'm allowing him to work through me. I'm learning to beg for his help every step of the way...every second of every day. I know what it feels like to be desperate for him.

I seemed to be on a roll with these dangerous prayers, so why not pray one more? This prayer easily scared me the most; I laid a friend in the Lord's hands, promising I would let go of the relationship if that is what he asked. I don't know if he wants to take this friendship away or allow it to remain, and though I hope he allows it to continue, I'm relinquishing the power to make that choice. Losing this friendship is scary, but what terrifies me all the more is stepping outside of Father's will for even a moment.

If you haven't heard, I had the opportunity to co-teach college bible study this week. Totally intimidating on the surface, but totally awesome in real life. During rec on Friday, our group was assigned to conquer the wall. Basically, there is a 12 ft wall on the rec field, and the object of the initiative is to lift your entire team up and over the wall safely. Its a powerful exercise, and though I have yet to experience this myself, many leaders have seen salvations in their students at the top of the wall. Anyway, as I debriefed with my group, I came to a revelation of sorts. Its shocking how willing I am to put my life in the hands of 14 near strangers and trust that they won't let me fall. The wall is reserved for 11th graders and older because it is extremely dangerous if not done properly. If my team were to drop me, I could easily break my back. But that didn't stop me for a second. In fact, the idea never really crossed my mind.

This is my rear being pulled over the wall. Sweet Forrest tried to lift me over by himself, which turned out to be horribly unsuccessful. Kudos to Katie and the student who has me in what appears to be a headlock.

Why am I so quick to place my trust in these total strangers, yet I struggle so much to lay my life in the hands of the Almighty?

Trusting the Father is a choice. I'm choosing to trust that he loves me. I'm choosing to trust his word is good. I'm choosing to trust he never goes back on a promise, and I'm choosing to trust that he is for me and not against me.

Dangerous prayers shouldn't be so scary. The cutting is painful, but the surgery brings health to our souls. I want Lord to do the hard work that needs to be done on my heart, and if that means approaching him boldly with seemingly dangerous requests, than that is what I will continue to do.

Oh, how I want to look more like Jesus...

Approaching Boldly

Bold prayers are dangerous. When we're willing to make bold, difficult requests, I think the Lord honors those. I think we're the ones who don't always know exactly what were asking for. Then we get an answer that isn't quite like we planned.

So much on my heart tonight, yet so little energy to share it. Maybe I'll find sims tins tomorrow to catch you up.

Goodnight my sweet friends.

iPhone Dump: Week 3 in Review

Happy Saturday, friends! There is no one on earth who is more happy for this day to have arrived than yours truly. I've been fighting a nasty head cold all week that has left me talking like a man and keeping my roommates up to all hours of the night with ungodly noises reminiscent of the whooping cough. Needless to say, I'll be spending most of the day in my PJs drinking pots upon pots of folders gourmet roast and catching up on reading for fun (who does that anymore??)

I'd like to start a new weekly tradition to spice things up and give you a really fun look into my week at camp. Most of my updates tend to be heavy; something the Lord is teaching me, specific requests for prayer for my students and team, or a super cool way Father moved during that day. These are undoubtedly my favorite stories to share, but I'm sure you guys would enjoy something a little more lighthearted every now and then. In light of this, I have come up with a genius solution: The iPhone Dump. Every Friday, I'll clean out all the pictures I've taken on my handy iPhone so you can get in on some of these random, fun, and totally pointless parts of my week. Sound like fun? Yayyy!!!

Now friends, I present to you PCB Fuge Week 3!

1. Hanging out with my sweet friend, staff Video Producer, annnnnnd world class bass play, Gage LeGreca.

2. This is my friend Robert, who happens to have a really sweet South African accent. Totally jealous. Here, Robert is teaching a 7th grader the science behind the glow stick he just sold to said student. Upon seeing the glow stick, Robert, who is always exceptionally happy, exclaimed "Glow sticks are my very favorite thing!" When I mentioned that everything is Robert's favorite, he replied in a very serious voice, "Oh no, Mama Tay. I really do love them. Not a day goes by I don't wish I had a glow stick." I suppose you would have had to be there...

3.Another week of beginning Mega Relay with the National Anthem (courtesy of Zack Doyle on the trumpet). This never, ever gets old.

4. A few of Julie's students "tebowing" before running the 7th and 8th grade Mega heat. Too funny.

5. A student gave this to me in the store. He was serious.

6. I hope you recognize this precious face. Ellen's mom sent this to me yesterday, along with some exciting news: ITS A GIRL!!! Ellen will be a big sister come November. I can't believe I won't be meeting the new baby. Sigh...

7. A $50 from the missions offering this week, which totaled a whopping $4,507 for missionaries in Sub Saharan Africa. This bill touched my heart, not because it was defaced (with the best of intentions, I'm sure), but because it was given by a middle school student. $50 bucks is a ton of money to a 13 year old. Kudos to the Bible Study leader that drove home sacrificial giving.

8. The name is spreading. Students all over campus seem to believe that my name is "Mama Tay". I'll take that over "gullywasher" any day of the week.

Exceeding, Abundant Love.

We claim we don't understand how God works. We quote the old prophet Isaiah; you know, his ways are higher than ours? (Is. 55:8-9)

I don't think we really mean that.

We try to figure him out. We explain him. Sometimes, we even attempt to defend him, as if the God of the Universe needs to justify his actions. 

I've been guilty. Theres a student so dear to my heart that her name is mentioned every time I share my testimony. This little redhead was a spitfire last summer and she is such an integral part of my testimony that sometimes I convince myself I've known her much longer than just a year. I am thoroughly convinced that the Lord used the first 15 years of my life to prepare me to minister to this sweet baby last summer. He used her to minister to me too.

And then, I decided he was done.

I assumed he was done using her. I assumed he was done using me to love on her. Then, I saw that sweet red head barrel through the doors of the worship center last night, and Father lovingly whispered in my ear:

Silly girl, your ways are not my ways. 

After conversations with our camp director and her youth leader, I learned that this student brought with her an entirely new set of baggage this summer. Something fresh. Something different. Something painful. Yet something wholly relevant. I was shocked to learn that my old student was now fighting the very battle I've been silently and secretly fighting for several years; or should I say, the battle that has been waged against me for several years. It is only in the last 3 months that the Lord has given me the strength to stand firm and fight back. 

Father took the first 15 years of my life and prepared me to minister to this very student last summer; Of that I was certain. What I never expected was to find that he would be taking this last year to prepare me to love on her in a entirely new way. 

I beg you to pray that the Lord would move in unbelievable ways in this student this week. Pray He would overwhelm her with his unfailing love. Pray he would reveal to her the value she has in HIS eyes. Pray for healing. Pray he would give me opportunities to pour myself out, prepare me with his words, and fill me to the brim with his spirit. Pray I will be ready. 

When we pray for Father to do exceedingly, abundantly more than all we could ask or imagine (Eph. 3:20), we think we can figure him out. Thank goodness he can prove me wrong. Thank goodness he can shock the socks off of me. 

Thank goodness his ways are not my own.

Don't Waste Your Life.

They always told me that camp would prepare me to pull all nighters in college...I never expected it to happen the other way around.

Its currently 2am. I just returned from Walmart, and I have about two hours of work ahead of me to prepare for tomorrow. I have a lesson to outline and Rec games still to learn. At 6:30, it will be time to wake up and prepare for the first full day of camp. If you're not doing the math, I'm looking at about 2.5 hours of sleep tonight.

Mama Tay likes her sleep.

Normally, I'd be stressed and furious over this situation. I won't say I'm not stressed...I'm freaking out in my head. But thanks to my good friend Lecrae, I got a little perspective tonight. I put his album on while driving home from Walmart. That, along with one very large Redbull, was my attempt to keep myself going. My current favorite Lecrae song is "Don't Waste Your Life". I'm in the process of learning it in its entirety; it is so full of truth that I can't help but get fired up while listening to it. Tonight, a line in the 3rd verse really struck a chord with me:

Here's my gifts and time, cuz I'm constantly trying to be used to praise the Christ. 

Similar words cover the walls of my friend Denae's Bible Study room. The top of her missions wall reads "Our time is not our own..." in large block letters. Its a powerful statement, really. My time here isn't my own. I'm tired, but is it better to be exhausted and pouring myself out, glorifying Father in the process, or to be well rested yet totally ineffective.

On the first of many sleepless nights at camp, I'm reminded that my time isn't mine. Its given to me only to show the world that Christ is divine. I've got 20 11th and 12th graders coming to class tomorrow expecting a word from the Lord, and I want him to use me. I'm going in guns blazing. If that means I don't get any sleep tonight...whatever.

I sure could use your prayers.

 

Do You Know Your Enemy?

Today, we hit the 15 day mark since our last day off. I'm spent, but it feels good. Our entire staff arrived last Thursday and let me just say, this group has the potential to be really, really incredible. Outside of our leadership team, there are only 3 other staffers who have worked camp in the past, and even our worship leader is brand new to the Fuge world. Its a daunting task to train 18 brand new staffers but my goodness, I have never seen a group of people so eager to learn and so willing to jump in and do the dirty work in 90 degree temperatures and humidity so high, your sunglasses fog up the moment you step outside. The smiles never leave their faces and they work together with so much joy. All other locations ought to be jealous of our PCB team :)

One of my very favorite parts of training week is called "Staff Share and Prayer" (or, if you are among the boys on our team, Staff Stare and Prayer, because of course, they think they are funny). Throughout the week, each staffer gets 15 minutes to tell the team their story; how they met the Lord, how he has changed their lives, their heart for ministry, and what life looks like for them after camp. Its a chance for us to get to know one another on a much deeper level and learn how to pray for our team as we minister together.

Each summer, I am continually surprised by the trials each staff members has faced. Rarely do you find someone working at Fuge who has had a picture perfect life; I've often wondered if Fuge hires these people on purpose because they are able to relate to our students so well. No matter how many times I hear a story of trial and redemption, it never fails to break me. These last few days have been no exception, and I have been particularly touched by the stories of the ladies on staff. Though our circumstances differ, it is so very clear that as women, we each fight the same battles. Feelings of inadequacy and insecurity plague our hearts, all rooted in the shame we feel as a result of a choice we made or a wrong done against us we were powerless to stop.

Father is using the stories to give me a glimpse into the strategies of the enemy. After hearing a particularly painful testimony (which I will not share out of respect for privacy), I stormed out of the auditorium furious at a thing I could not see. If ever I doubted, I now know that the Satan is a dirty, nasty, filthy liar. He has a knack for getting inside our heads and feeding us pointed, crippling lies.

You'll never be enough.


You deserved what was done to you. You asked for it.


No one else has ever messed up as badly as you. God could never forgive you for that.


You're a slut. You are filthy and defiled.


You're a hypocrite. 


You're used, damaged goods.

No one loves you. 

No one sees you. 

No one cares about the things you're going through.

You are totally and completely alone.


Sometimes we forget we're at war. Our enemy is not passive in his attacks; indeed, they are thoroughly thought out and carefully executed. They're personalized and they're effective if we don't know what we are up against. Because our enemy is not attacking passively, we CANNOT respond passively. Satan knows where you're weak, and he knows exactly what will tear you down. Shouldn't we know all the more?

In one of the most widely quoted writings on military strategy of all time, Chinese General Sun Tzu warns, "If you are ignorant of both your enemy and yourself, you are certain to be in peril."

In any war, be it between opposing nations or Satan and God's people, it is imperative we remain constantly vigilant of our enemy's presence. He never quits, and his tactics never change. His goal has remained unchanging through the entire course of history: to bring death to everything that is good and pleasing to God. His tactic is to speak lies to us, making us believe that we are either unworthy of the Lord's favor, or that God's favor is unworthy of our time. Our enemy can be understood if we will only take the time to prepare for battle.

When the enemy whispers lies into our hearts, one must fight back with the truth. In Ephesians 6, the apostle Paul calls us to put on the full armor of God. Its important to note that the only offensive weapon listed in that call is a sword - "The sword of the spirit, which is the Word of God." If we're going to fight, we have to go in guns blazing, armed with the truth of scripture.

That unchanging truth is simple; God is love. His love stretches far beyond our mistakes and our circumstances; each and every one was known to him, and yet he did not hesitate to go to the cross. He went to that cross for YOU.

When you hear a lie, it is imperative to know that Father would NEVER utter those words to you.

You are his precious child.

You are his beautiful daughter.

You are known.

You are fully forgiven. You sins are scattered as far as the east is from the west.

You are his baby.

He WILL protect you.

He WILL fight for you.

He calls you beloved.

You are safe in his arms.

Armed with the truth, we cannot allow the Father of Lies tell us anything else.

Program Training: Summer Camp for Grown Ups

Shoot. I'm beginning to remember why blogging frequently is such a lofty goal at Fuge. Maybe its because we run from 7 in the morning to nearly 11 every night. I feel safe in saying that is why I am dog tired tonight. Regardless, I'd like to catch you up on my first week back in PCB.

Lets just say I'm not cut out for manual labor (shock of the century). Tuesday and Wednesday were spent unloading 2 semi trucks packed with everything we will need to run camp this summer. Box after box was lifted out of the truck, sorted, counted and hauled across Shalimar's campus. Storage units were emptied and organized, sets were assembled, and much sweating occurred. I so wish I was one of those girls who just "glisten" when they get overheated. Alas, I still sweat like a man. Needless to say the first few days were exhausting and smelly.

On Friday afternoon, I began to train for my new position as Finance Director at PCB. While certainly necessary, these sessions were an ADD child's worst nightmare. Try making me sit still for seven-ish hours at a time. I swear I don't know how I survived grade school sometimes.

The evenings were wonderful though. At night, every member of leadership from each of Fuge's 15 locations packed into the PCB auditorium for a time of worship. I don't know that I've ever experienced anything quite as awesome as worshiping Father with these guys. There is something extra special about coming into the presence of God in the company of diehard, unashamed believers. Seriously, when was the last time you watched someone drop to their knees in awe of Father, with a total disregard for what others might think? Its a refreshing sight.

My leadership staff is incredible. I'm seriously pumped to be serving alongside these guys for the summer. Tonight we went out for Chinese...Picture 5 girls packed into a jeep while RAPPING praise and dancing like fools. We talk about things like acting and dressing in a way that is respectful to the guys we work with. We ask one another for accountability in consistent time alone with the Lord. Goodness, I've missed this kind of fellowship. I love being with people who share the same heart. I can already tell I'm going to LOVE these women.

As you pray in the coming days, please ask Father to bring the details together as we prepare for the rest of the staff to arrive. Ask that he prepare my heart, to allow me to do my work well, and to show me how to lean on his strength second by second. Your partnership in prayer means so much to me.

I'M BACK!!!

You know that phenomenal feeling you get when you come home after an unbelievably stressful day and put on your very favorite sweatpants? You know, the ones that are 3 shades lighter than when you first bought them and probably have a couple of holes in the hem because they're just a little too long (or is that just my problem??) Its that feeling of being comfortable...at ease...totally and completely at peace. That is how I feel right now.

I didn't just put on my worn out Fuge sweats though. Instead, I have a fresh cup of coffee and I've just sunk myself into my favorite booth at Panera Bread in Panama City. I'm FINALLY back. Goodness gracious, there have been times in the last few months that I thought this moment would never arrive. I feel so content to be in a familiar place where the Lord and I convened over hot coffee so many times last summer.

This morning, I said goodbye to my precious family. They are on vacation in Clearwater this week, and I got to spend a couple days relaxing with them before it was time to make my way to PCB. Before I hit the road about 9 this morning, my whole family gathered in the living room of the condo to pray over me. I wish I could have snapped a photo to share with you...what a precious sight it was! I'm continually reminded how crazy blessed I am to have a family that wholeheartedly supports this ministry. They're my own little army of prayer warriors.

As I made the 7 hour trip to the panhandle in the silence of my little jeep (silence is painful for me, as I'm sure you know), I couldn't help but wonder...Would you like to join them?

I once heard it said that not all of us are called to full-time ministry, but we are ALL called to ministry in some kind. There's a good chance most of you aren't able to drop everything and do camp for a summer (though I SO wish you could). You may be a nurse, an accountant, or a McDonald's drive-thru worker. Whatever you do, you are so very necessary (especially you McDonald's guys...I can't live without my $1 sweet tea), and while you do whatever Father has called you too, you are still very much able to be involved in ministry. I have a simple request of those who desire to come aboard: Join the army of those interceding on behalf of the PCB Fuge team this summer. We desperately, desperately covet your prayers as Father stretches us beyond belief while we love on camp babies (who are actually teenagers) and testify to the gospel of the grace of which we are all partakers.

I'll do my best to update you frequently. For now, here are a few requests you can take to our Father:

1. JOY. The 6 members of our leadership staff are arriving today, along with our coordinator, Mark, and we will be setting up camp for the rest of the staff to arrive. Its a mundane task, but one that must be done. Over the next few days, pray that God will give us joy as we prepare to get down to the good stuff.

2. Quick Friendships. Its scary walking into a group of strangers, and though there is comfort in knowing we share the same passion for the gospel, the "newness" can be awkward and intimidating (again, that could just be my own weirdness). Pray our team will bond quickly as we prepare to serve in unity.

3. Teachable hearts. Most of us are coming to camp to teach. Being teachers, we often forget to that we too are still learning. Pray our hearts would be mailable; that we would willingly serve as student teachers this summer. Our ministry will certainly suffer if we aren't growing daily ourselves.

Its time for me to run. I have 6 minutes until I'm officially late:) I'm so, so grateful you are joining me in this. I'll keep you posted on what Father is up to down here. I can't wait to see!!

Love you all!!!