Before you read any further, here’s your warning: This is going to get a little personal. If you are easily freaked out by emotional train wrecks like me, read no further. This, of course, assumes that anyone aside from my mother actually reads this junk. Since I highly doubt that is the case, this warning is probably pointless.
If by some miracle you have been reading this consistently, you know on the last tuesday night of camp, the Lord made the most difficult, terrifying request of my life. He asked to to face someone I never dreamed I would lay eyes on again and tell him that forgave him for the ways he wronged me. I’ve been making myself sick over this ever since Father told me to go.
Today, I finally did it. I walked into his house, looked him in the eye, and told him that not only did I forgive him for what he did, but more importantly, God forgave him for what he did.
I think I was expecting some divine revelation out of the whole thing. To my disappointment, he denied everything, and I’m still not even sure he was coherent enough to know who I was. But then I guess that’s not what forgiveness is about. After all, how many sins have I failed to confess to the Lord? How many times have I shifted the blame and denied my wrongs before the Almighty? Many, many more than I care to admit. Does that make his forgiveness any less real? This sinner’s heart knows all too well that is not the case.
In the end, I spoke my peace and delivered the message the Lord gave me, and let me tell you, I have never felt more free in that moment than I have in my entire life. If I have to describe the summer of 2011 in just a few words, I would have to call it the Season of Healing. Though the process was uncomfortable and sometimes downright painful, the Lord worked in me slowly. He took away the shame I felt and taught me to share my testimony without fear, putting many people in my path who needed to see that deliverance is a reality. He brought me to the place where I could find forgiveness in my heart, and brought it to completion today. How beautiful to look back and see that my Healer pulled me in his arms and carried me all the way.
The enemy just lost another long, bitter battle. My King broke this sinner’s chains today, and I can say with overwhelming joy that I am no longer a slave to unforgiveness.
Never in my life did I think that total surrender could bring so much freedom.
