Today I am thankful, not for anything God has done for me, but simply for who he is. I am grateful that his character is unchanging. Though my circumstances, my emotions, and my desires may shift, he remains constantly present, and constantly good.

I am thankful for the majesty of the God who exists in my “mountaintop” moments; when I simply must dance for the joy his love brings. I’m thankful for the comfort of the God who exists when my life disappoints and when my heart breaks. I’m thankful immeasurable grace of the God who runs to me when I fail him.

Most of all, I am thankful that the God who brought me such joy from simply speaking his name in the happiest seasons, is the same God who exists in the darker seasons of life. I’m grateful that even the condition of my heart changes, he never, ever does.

“The worthless bundle of rubbish you are clinging to for all your life is nothing compared to the matchless worth of Jesus Christ.”

Time to let go of my bundle. Much easier said than done…

BOOM.

Do you ever have those moments when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God exists?

I just had one of those moments. I literally don’t know what to do with myself.

He is much too good.

A Summer in Review, the ADD Edition

I was asked to speak at Calvary Baptist on Sunday to share my testimony of my time at Fuge. I’ve been trying to figure out how to condense the most life-altering experience of my life into 7 minutes, and while reading through my journals, I came across a few key phrases that I wanted to include. I would like to present to you the ADD version of my summer.

“wreck lives”

“It’s not about what you do, it’s about who own you.”

“You were bought with a price and I want what I paid for.”

“Are you ready to start living for something bigger than yourself?”

“If you claim to be alive, it’s time to start living.”

“The rocks will cry out.”

“Living, breathing proof.”

“Father, remind me why you called me here.”

“Forgiveness doesn’t make the other person right, but it does make you free.”

DAWG Days.

Alpha Phi Bible study seems to come with a challenge every week. Its never intentional, but in the time I spend alone with the Lord before we meet, he always lays something new on my heart to share with these incredible ladies.

Lately, we’ve been talking a lot about looking at our relationship with Christ as a marriage; A divine romance, if you will. One of the key components of any relationship is time together; in this instance, dates. We’ve been holding one another accountable for daily time alone with the Father, but this week, each of us has committed to a “date” with Jesus (mine is tomorrow afternoon. Super excited). It sounds a little strange, but it is basically an extended period of time alone with Jesus. A time to pray, worship, and listen. Many of us are nervous about how to fill such a long period of time, so I would like to offer a few guidelines for this time to get you going. This is by no means a strict, step-by-step process. Spend your time as you feel lead.

1. Set aside no less than 2 hours for your date.

Honestly, this is a very short amount of time for a date. If I went out with a guy and we were done in two hours, I would definitely think something was wrong, or he was boring. I would highly encourage building up to 3-5 hours, but for now, 2 will suffice. The point is not to get it over with. Like any good date, you should not be anxious for it to end, but take in every second. Be sure to let others know you do not need to be disturbed (unless someone is bleeding. Then, you should probably take care of that.) and SHUT YOUR PHONE OFF!!! No excuses.

2. Be Still.

“Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations; I will be exalted in all the earth.” -Psalm 46:10 Take time to get still and quiet before the Lord. Don’t read, Don’t talk, Don’t listen to music. Settle your mind and prepare your heart for worship. Give yourself time to focus, so your mind doesn’t wander as much.

3. Ask God to Join you.

 Pray that God would be with you during this time. Ask him to reveal himself through his word and prayer.

4. Listen to worship music.

A good worship song puts my heart in a wonderful mood. Try listening to some, and even sing along (unless you’re at starbucks. People will likely think you’ve been drinking, and I know you’re not doing that on your date with Jesus). Spend time adoring your incredible Father.

5. Read your Bible.

Don’t get me wrong…i LOVE books. But there is no book that can replace THE book. Crack open your Bible and read directly from it. If you need a place to start, try John. No better way to get to know Jesus more intimately than reading about his life. Take notes, and take time to think about what God is saying to you through your reading. I once heard that if you leave worship unchanged, you didn’t really worship. How will this passage change your life from here on out?

6. Pray.

I like to write my prayers out…it keeps my ADD under control. You can try that, or you can pray aloud. Share with the Lord your concerns and fears. Confess your sins to him, and ask that he change your heart. Tell him all the reasons you love him.

7. Listen.

More important than anything we could ever say to God is what he has to say to us. Take time to be quiet and listen to what he wants to say to you today. If your heart is willing, he won’t disappoint.

Hope this helps ease your fears about such a long quiet time. I am confident you are going to relish these times with the Lord. Can’t wait to hear about your date with Jesus:)

The Post I'm Afraid to Write.

If anyone wants to come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.

Mark 9:34-35

These verses have been popping up left and right in the last few months. It was the key verse of day 3 at camp, as well as the theme of Alpha Phi’s Bible study this semester. The Lord has beat me over the head with it countless times to point out the ways I need to die daily. Die to pride. Die to fear. Die to my own desires.

I’ve been reading a lot lately (no surprise there), and interestingly enough, everything I’m reading revolves around the theme of death. “Through Gates of Splendor”, which tells the story of Jim Elliot’s death while preaching the gospel in a remote village in Ecuador. Foxe’s Book of Martyrs, an exhaustive list of the persecutions of the early church. Acts 7, which details the stoning of a Christ Follower named Stephen. See a pattern here? It all leads me to a rather intimidating question:

What if He calls me to actually die, not only to myself, but a literal, physical death?

The first time I read the story of the Apostle Andrew, it literally moved me to tears. Though Andrew is one of the lesser mentioned disciples, he was known as “the inviter”, as he was constantly inviting others, including Peter, to meet this man named Jesus. During one of many persecutions in Rome following Christ’s ascension, Andrew was called before Aigeatis, the governor of Patros, to be reprimanded for preaching the gospel. When told to renounce his teachings or face death by crucifixion, Andrew confidently responded, “I would not preach the gospel of the Cross of Christ with such fervor if I was not willing to die on a cross of my own.”

So much for being the quiet guy in the background. Andrew was taken to be executed, where he continued to preach the gospel for three days until he died. Foxe tells us that many heard his teaching from the cross and believed.

The single greatest passion of my heart is the story of the Cross of Christ. But am I prepared to die for this message if thats what the Lord calls me to? I can honestly think of no better way to go. Its a difficult request to make, because human instinct makes us want to keep living. Its only natural. Father, make me willing if that’s what you want.

I could die for this cause, and you might be the reason.

My apologies in advance…In case you didn’t notice, its 3 am. I’m tired, so this probably sounds like nothing but rambling. Bear with me…its been on my heart tonight.

I’ve had some interesting conversations since I’ve been home. I don’t know if they’ve appeared suddenly, or if the Lord has put them in my way all along and I simply wasn’t looking. I’m talking about difficult, uncomfortable conversations. Blatant opportunities to share the gospel with those I am closest too; people whose opinions of me could be drastically changed by this message of hope we’ve been entrusted with.

A few weeks ago I sat down with a friend and somehow, our conversation turned to our childhoods. Before I knew it, I was all but passing out my testimony to someone I had never had a deep conversation with before. Sharing such intimate details of my life seemed a little more than awkward. This person was struggling with similar circumstances, and though I don’t recall many of the things that were said that night, I do recall stating that I wouldn’t take any of it back because I never would have learned where to find my peace and security. As long as I live, I will never forget the moment this person looked me dead in the eye and asked where I found peace.

My initial reaction? What the heck kind of question is that??

As crazy as it seems to someone like me, I guess it isn’t obvious. But its at times like these that everything I saw in my first 15 years of life actually mean something. I didn’t cry needlessly; I didn’t hurt for nothing. 20 years later, I have the chance to say, “Look at where I was…Look what the Almighty carried me through.”

Job is the pillar of strength under trial in Scripture. In the Old Testament, we read of a man who was stripped of absolutely everything he had.

His Family? Dead. His health? Down the tubes.  His land, money, and livelihood? Gone, gone, and gone.

You know the story; Job clung to the only thing that lasts, and in the end, the Lord restored him. Its could be the single most encouraging testimony I’ve every heard.

I wonder if Job knew that at the time?

I can’t help but wonder if while Job lay alone, writhing in the pain of his sores and seeing no apparent way out, he knew what an encouragement he would be. Did this man know that one day, thousands of years later, a 20 year old girl in Kentucky would find hope in choice to chase the Lord even when it seemed he was no where to be found?

If I can know that someone, somewhere has found an ounce of encouragement in the things I’ve seen, or maybe even caught a glimpse of the gospel, it was worth every second. In the end, the Almighty brought it together for good. He made me stronger, and he taught me to love him more completely.

There is healing. There is peace. Most of all, there is Love.

All I have in You is more than enough.

My mom, like most, is full of excellent advice. One of the many things she has taught me in the last 5 years is that one should never forget where they come from. Remembering your past brings humility, as it allows us to constantly remember that while we are so very weak, our God is anything but.

August seems to have exposed one weakness after another, and let me tell you its been quite a struggle. From complacency and uncertainty to people who unconsciously bring out the worst in me, I’ve found myself struggling with my purpose in Lexington once again. But after spending some time looking back on the things I wrote over the course of the summer, I’m reminded of the joy I found in the presence of God. Though a little more like a whisper than a roar, I know he is still here.

When will I finally stop searching for my joy in people? I know the only real security I have is in the Lord; He is the only thing that lasts.

Where are you Father?

Lift your chains, I hold the key

Before you read any further, here’s your warning: This is going to get a little personal. If you are easily freaked out by emotional train wrecks like me, read no further. This, of course, assumes that anyone aside from my mother actually reads this junk. Since I highly doubt that is the case, this warning is probably pointless.

If by some miracle you have been reading this consistently, you know on the last tuesday night of camp, the Lord made the most difficult, terrifying request of my life. He asked to to face someone I never dreamed I would lay eyes on again and tell him that forgave him for the ways he wronged me. I’ve been making myself sick over this ever since Father told me to go.

Today, I finally did it. I walked into his house, looked him in the eye, and told him that not only did I forgive him for what he did, but more importantly, God forgave him for what he did.

I think I was expecting some divine revelation out of the whole thing. To my disappointment, he denied everything, and I’m still not even sure he was coherent enough to know who I was. But then I guess that’s not what forgiveness is about. After all, how many sins have I failed to confess to the Lord? How many times have I shifted the blame and denied my wrongs before the Almighty? Many, many more than I care to admit. Does that make his forgiveness any less real? This sinner’s heart knows all too well that is not the case.

In the end, I spoke my peace and delivered the message the Lord gave me, and let me tell you, I have never felt more free in that moment than I have in my entire life. If I have to describe the summer of 2011 in just a few words, I would have to call it the Season of Healing. Though the process was uncomfortable and sometimes downright painful, the Lord worked in me slowly. He took away the shame I felt and taught me to share my testimony without fear, putting many people in my path who needed to see that deliverance is a reality. He brought me to the place where I could find forgiveness in my heart, and brought it to completion today. How beautiful to look back and see that my Healer pulled me in his arms and carried me all the way.

The enemy just lost another long, bitter battle. My King broke this sinner’s chains today, and I can say with overwhelming joy that I am no longer a slave to unforgiveness.

Never in my life did I think that total surrender could bring so much freedom.

I’m sending these updates from my iPhone, and it’s kind of a pain, so for the time being you’ll be getting the bare minimum. The Lord is already rocking my world, and I’ve hardly been here 24 hours. Though I’ve been here before, I’m seeing the town of Maywood and the Chicagoland area in an entirely new light. The Lord is breaking my heart for these people in an entirely new way, and laying such a burden on my heart for North American church planting. As you pray this week, ask the Lord to reveal his role for me in this incredibly daunting task. I look forward to sharing more from a computer keyboard…it would take hours to give you all the things going through my head.
I’ll keep you posted on Father’s work in Maywood. I’m confident it’s going to be unbelievable.

If God claims to be alive, then you’ve got to start living.

Lecrae, my new obsession

The Cornerstone crew is preparing to ship out to Chicago this morning! I haven’t been in two years, and I can’t tell you how excited I am to get back and be involved in the work the Lord is doing there. If you think of us in the coming week, pray for energy for all of us. I for one am still dragging from camp. I am absolutely certian that I’m going to have to rely on his strength this week, and not my own.

Stay tuned for the incredible work Father has planned to Maywood!!

Oh, and my sister is sitting beside me, and she smells pretty. Thats all.

For Everything There is a Season.

The time to head back to reality has finally arrived. I have never been good at closure as denial is generally my coping method. But for the sake of being sentimental, I decided to have breakfast at Panera one last time. This is the first place I stopped when I arrived in Panama City Beach two month ago. I sat and cried, scared to death of what I had gotten myself into. As I sit in the same seat I did that afternoon and reflect on an incredible summer, I never would have imagined a place like PCB could have such a huge piece of my heart.

I know one thing is certain: “Life-Changing Camps” isn’t just a tag line at Fuge Camps; its a guarantee for anyone who comes with a willing heart. The quiet, uncertian girl that sat in this seat two months ago has been replaced by someone who has found what it means to live boldly for the gospel. I never imagined that I would be comfortable talking to dozens of total strangers each day about casual things, much less sharing my heart for the gospel with them. I have gone from a child who absolutely dreaded Rec as a student, to a bible study leader who jumped and screamed like a crazy woman every single day, and saw this time as vitally important to the unity of her kids. And though two months ago, I was so unsure of my abilities as a bible study leader, I leave knowing that I have no gifts to offer the Lord but my willingness, and it is only his words that will effectively reach my kids.

Most importantly though, I left Lexington as a girl who was terrified of what the future held; a person so caught up in nailing down plans that I surely missed many ways the Lord was working day to day. Today, my future is just as uncertain as it was two months ago (if not more so), but I no longer feel the need to figure it out. As I return home, my only life plan is to stay right in the center of Father’s will. I know it is the only way I will truly be happy and effective. I’m going home a radically different girl.

My heart is full this morning. The Lord met me in Panama City Beach, and walking away feels like I’m leaving part of my life behind. Though I would love to stay and do camp for a few more weeks, I know the Lord’s timing is perfect. His work for me in PCB is done for now; its time to see what he has for me in Lexington. For everything there is a season…

Father, this life is all for you. This day, and everyday.