Humble, or Be Humbled

Several years ago during a Wednesday night youth group meeting, our leader asked an unusual question of each of us. Though I have since forgotten the context of the lesson, the question has remained in my mind many years later, and is one I frequently use when teaching on subjects like integrity. The question was this:

“When you reach the end of your life, what do you want your closest friends to say about you?”

My list was long, and it continues to change as I grow older and closer to the Lord. I won’t bore you with all of the details, but I will say that one virtue that has remained at the top of the list is humility. As someone who struggles with the nasty sin of pride in many, many ways, I admire those who exude meekness and humility in the way they carry themselves, approach conflict, and treat others. In my opinion, humble hearts are the most beautiful kind, and I deeply desire to be a woman of humility.

You know how the old saying goes though…Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it.

I’m finding humility, much like patience, is not a quality the Lord simply bestows on his children. Rather, it is one he cultivates, often by placing us in situations which require us to lay down our pride and choose to act humbly. Let me just say that Father must have really been listening, because in the last week alone, he has been humbling me left and right. I won’t lie and say it has been fun…in all honesty, it has totally sucked.

I’ve been fighting a particular battle for a very long time now. When I say fought, know that I don’t use that term lightly. I’m talking a battle to the death; an all out war, if you will. I’ve tried every tactic known to man, and approached it from every angle I could think of…except for one.

I refused to ask for help.

If I couldn’t solve this on my own, I must be a bad Christian. I just need to read my bible more; I just need to pray harder. If I admit this struggle to anyone, they’re sure to think I’m crazy. What if they thought I was unfit to continue leading Bible Study? What if they ask me to step down?

Though I continued to make every excuse in the book not to ask for help, the Lord graciously opened the door and made it absolutely clear that this would be my only hope of escaping the battle alive. Now, I may be prone to pride, but when the Almighty gives such an obvious command, I’m not dumb enough to say no. I swallowed my pride, made a few phone calls, and finally came to see that I was in much deeper than I ever imagined.

Several other things have occurred since that moment that continue to remind me how depraved I truly am, but for the sake of the privacy of those involved, I won’t go into the details. I will say that because I have spent far too long relying on my own abilities when it comes to teaching the bible and leading my small groups, the Lord is wrecking my pride and reminding me that I’m just his vessel; a completely worthless vessel if I’m not allowing his spirit to work through me. My ministries to these women have suffered as a result of that pride, and the Lord forced me to my knees to ask forgiveness of both Him and the women he has entrusted to me. Both parties have shown me so much compassion; I couldn’t ask for a better display of a grace of which I am so unworthy.

In Beth Moore’s Breaking Free, my very favorite author addresses the sin of pride, citing it one of the biggest stumbling blocks on the road to living in complete freedom in Christ. In one of the most profound statements in the book, Beth says, “It is far better to humble ourselves than force God to humble us.” I may have underlined this statement, but obviously, that is all I did with it. I didn’t put it into practice, and I suffered the consequences. I don’t think I have to tell you that I will not be making that mistake twice.

I’m pressing forward and I am committed to fighting the good fight with every ounce of strength I can muster. It isn’t much though. In the next few months, I’m clinging to the promises of 2 Corinthians 12:9, and the words of the precious children’s song “Jesus Loves Me”

“We are weak, but HE is strong.”

Yes, my Jesus loves me. Fiercely, recklessly, and shamelessly.